cab thoughts

i had a lot of idle time when i was commuting to makati. not all my thoughts were dark.

in answer to the blind or deaf question.

i am more more accustomed to the night than to silence. perpetual darkness and a forced reliance on tactility and spoken words are more appealing than never hearing a song (or my voice) again. besides, "i want to see your face with my hands" is more poetic than the awkward declarations of a deaf-mute.

edit: after reading this, my mind expanded. turns out, signing is a vibrant language.

it's all about managing dreams.

my rockstar dreams are handicapped by the fact that i can't sing to save my life. i can't play the piano although i took piano lessons when i was a kid.

going off-tangent: my mom had a clear idea of what kind of daughter she wanted to rear. as a child, i had to take ballet lessons and piano lessons despite the lack of interest in these two activities. i quit piano after my teacher scolded me for having dirty fingernails. christ, who wouldn't have dirty fingernails after playing on the streets of our neighborhood? why didn't she allow me to take basketball lessons? now those would've come in handy during my varsity years.

anyway.

i can't play the piano, i can't play the guitar either. name any instrument and you can be sure that i can't play it.

what if i pick up some weirdo instrument that NOBODY plays? didgeridoo? jew's harp? nose flute? those look fucking awkward.

a kahon? heck, how about i get rid of instruments all together and learn how to beatbox?

how about the egg shaker? imagine an auditorium packed with adoring fans. the vocalist introduces the band and yells out "sam marcelooOOoo on egg shaAaker!" i launch into my egg shaker solo and the crowd goes wild as i jump up and down and roll on the floor! there's no shame in reaching the rockstar dream via an alternate route.

if i dress my egg shaker in a little silver-studded leather jacket/sleeve/casing, the world will know what a badass player i am.

i can handle the egg, how hard can it be? egg-shaking doesn't require note-reading, does it? this is possible -- my success at playing this ovoid percussion instrument -- since i believe that i do possess a sense of rhythm.

playing ball requires coordination and timing. writing, too, is an exercise in cadence. i have hope.

WAIT! egg-shaking requires more than i thought (a hand to shake it). my sister tells me that the snare is the pointy end, the bass the rounded. moving all the pebbles requires a combination of wrist flicks and arm movements. she politely says that i'll have better luck with a tambourine.